Transforming Your Mindset: Journey Towards Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, and Confidence

Alan Carroll: 00:00:00

Welcome back to the mindful U Podcast. Today, we're going to be interviewing Elisa Elisa is a certified life coach specializing in self confidence. And she'll be sharing with us the three impactful ways to increase your self confidence. So I like to have you all welcome Elisa Bogart to the mindful you podcast. Well, welcome to the mind for you podcast. What we like to seems to be working and what the gentleman who just talked to us talked about were stories, that people remember stories, and to have guests like yourself, who have walked the path, whatever path you've been walking in your life, the corners, the ups, the downs, the experiences that you've had along the way the people you've seen, the revelations that you've had, under the context of mindfulness and prayer presence, and being in the now, that would also include spirituality, healing, all those go go together, to reduce in my reality, the psychological suffering that people experience. And mindfulness is like a cure that you can use to become still. And there's something about stillness, which is a good thing. So please, please share, share with our listeners, a little bit of your story of, of your journey into, into mindfulness.

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:01:51

Yeah, my mindfulness journey started, I would say about 10 years ago, it actually came from a place of being at sort of the rock bottom that I've hit so far in my life. And yeah, I was just, I was not in a great place. And, but it was also an amazing opportunity to rebuild my life from the ground up. I had so I was living. I was actually lived abroad for 11 years, and lived in Europe. And I had just moved to London, England, and I just finished like a backpacking trip. And my boyfriend and I at the time, we broke up just as we landed in London, so I was, I was heartbroken. broke because I just been backpacking for seven months, I didn't have a job. I didn't have anywhere to live. I didn't really know anybody. I had a couple of friends of friends. But that was kind of it. And yeah, so that was kind of like my low low moment. I really felt the weight of depression for the first time and a friend of mine walk so in that backpacking identity before I did do some traveling, like it was all throughout Southeast Asia and and lived in Nepal for three months. And so I kind of got into mindfulness there as well. You're really introduced to it then he has amazing and India's mental health five weeks in India. And so a friend of mine that I had met in Nepal, she moved to London a few months after me, and she texted me text message one day, and I was livid. I was like I had by then I had found a place to live, but I hadn't had a job yet. And I was on the couch. And I remember looking at this text, and I was like, I don't want to get up. It was like it was in London. It was November it was cold and rainy. And I was like, the last thing I want to do is get off this couch and shower and go outside in the cold and rainy to go see her. But she texted me a few times, because she knew it wasn't doing anything. So she's a real, she really helped me get off the couch. And when I met her, we went for a cup of tea in Camden. And I'm like, when I saw her, she gave me just this really warm hug. And we went into this tea shop and it was super cute and quaint and decorated beautifully. And I got a cup of peppermint tea. And I remember it was it was warm in my hands. And it smelled amazing. And I and so we were just started talking and she asked me what I wanted, you know, out of living in London, like what did well for my life there and I was really stumped by that question. I had no idea what the answer was. And because the relationship that I was in was a mentally abusive one. So I hadn't been asked what I wanted. In years, I hadn't really been able to think for myself much. And she told me she's like, well, you know, go meditate on it, get a journal on it. And so I did that and that's really that question is what lifted me out of my low state and from there is where I learned about Yeah, well I got into meditation more so it actually practicing it regularly in journaling. He and I did a course through work that introduced me to affirmation, that I love affirmations and so passionate about them that reframing that positive self talk, you know, because we say so much negative stuff in our minds. And if we can try to transform this or have a nicer way of speaking to ourselves,

Alan Carroll: 00:05:17

I just say let's, let's, let's, let's move from that nicer way of speaking and how we frame our words. Because that that is a skill, conscious skill, to be able to catch yourself in the moment to realize what, what would be the best way to have to vibrate the air would be the best way to speak. And that requires mind mindfulness. So what are some of the, the what's the word? I want some of the call up tips that you could use to help people reframe their thoughts in real time?

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:06:06

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Cuz we can get really stressed out from those, we can get worried about what people think of us, you know, we can get stressed out if we don't do something, right. And we will not do something good enough, right. And we can have some negative self talk there. And I think perfectionism also has a huge piece in that we're kind of like, people get worried about being perfect, or I'm not perfect, and they can talk to themselves negatively that way as well. And they think that we think sometimes if we, if we get it perfect that no one will criticize us, you know, or we can't can't even criticize ourselves. And so there's, yeah, you know, it's kind of impossible, I really feel that Perfection isn't necessarily a thing, another thing that exists, and someone's always going to, at some point in time, can you're gonna get criticized or judged at some point, right? Because we're all so different. So it's, it's really almost impossible. Like if I think that something is perfect, you may not see it that way at all. Because we're, we're just based on sees things the same way. And it's really likely that we're going to judge ourselves even harder, right? And this can be even more painful. Because we say these negative things to ourselves a lot. So when these judgments come up, for you're like resisting an imperfection. Or maybe you want to give up on something, you're worried about what someone might say to you. The process that I used to really like go through it is to catch in the moment you can if you're noticing it's happening, and then really acknowledge it, you're really see it and give

Alan Carroll: 00:07:36

an example. I'll give an example. Lisa, of catching something and examining it in the moment.

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:07:45

Oh, yeah. So if I say I'm trying something new, beginning we're not very good at something. That's right. Right. And so I might say, narrative that I have. It's kind of like my whole life. Is this whole stupid? I'm stupid. Okay, if I try something new, I might think like, oh, I'm too stupid for this. I can't get a voice

Alan Carroll: 00:08:08

inside your head that says, oh, you can't do this. Because you're stupid. There's a voice people listen to. Yeah, you bet.

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:08:16

And then so I'm like, Oh, I won't bother. So I might even just give up like, you know, yeah, for me not gonna do it. That's right. Yeah, yeah. And so in that moment, I can really be like, Okay, so here's that repetitive, like, a lot of it is repetitive, right. So like, okay, recognize it? That moment, I can say, you know, like, yes. Okay, so you're struggling with this new thing right now? Yeah. You know, and that's okay. And that's, that's okay. Because the struggle is real. It's happening. You're feeling like, you can't get it right. And you feel like you want to give up? Yep. But perhaps you're learning as you go. Perhaps I'm learning as I go. And perhaps I have everything that I need to succeed. And I love to do like an if statement. So I would say I am a strong, intelligent, capable woman. And so in that way, you can kind of stop it in his tracks, but you don't want to ignore it and, you know, say doesn't exist or doesn't happen. Those negative thoughts? Yes, they are there. So be like, I see you, I feel you. Yes. And I'm gonna get curious about it. And I'm going to challenge those thoughts. Yeah. Is it really true that I'm stupid? Actually, not. I'm pretty smart. And I'm pretty good at things. It just can take some time to learn something right. So then I can be really gentle and kind to myself, and compassionate and loving. And then say more, you know, really challenge it and then change that narrative.

Alan Carroll: 00:09:45

That is a that is the the ability to manage the thoughts that you think and in order to manage the thoughts that you think you have to do exactly what you just said, You have to be able to see the thought. And in to see a thought is not that easy. Because it requires a space between you and the thought, when the thoughts your ego and so when you begin to create spaces with ego things ego gets a little, uh, excuse me, there's no space here I speak all the time. And, and I, I'm excited because that's a, an understanding that's very important is that is the, it's the development of the observer in your consciousness, as a as a key foundation of mindfulness is to be able to observe the negative thought, observe the positive thought, just just observe the thought. Is that mean? Are we on the same path here?

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:10:57

Yes, totally. And, and that can take a while. Because sometimes you bet in that narrative, like, you know, and it'll go and sometimes, and I'll think about it, I'll finally I'll see it, whatever the narratives going on, and then I'll be like, along if I've been ruminating on this for longer, but in this loop, you know, because sometimes, right? The time Exactly, yeah. And, yeah, and sometimes, so sometimes I can catch it quite easily. And again, then I can do that process and be like, No, that's okay. And I compassion to myself. And I'm kind but other times, like, I'll just be like, well, this and that. And maybe I'll even blame other people or blame the situation or blame myself, or, you know, there's so many different levels and angles that you can have all this negative focus on something. And yeah, so sometimes it can take a while. And, and I really think that, yeah, just noticing that, and you're right, being that observer and even just being like, do I even know what I've been doing? In the last, say, five minutes? I've just been, you know, in my head, like, take a breath.

Alan Carroll: 00:12:02

Yeah, yep. Yeah, the breath, stop and just take a breath. All you got to do is just stop and take a breath. And that that disrupts the pattern of your thinking. But it's as silly as it sounds. You don't stop and take a breath. Until you wake up, then you say wait. And then all of a sudden, then clarity appears and allows you to make more intelligent decisions about what what course of action to take, rather than an emotional reaction which may cause suffering rather than healing. That's exciting because you are definitely is a is a mindful story, that that is definitely a mindfulness story, a valuable mindfulness story. Because everything to me focuses on that, that story of observation. And you don't take things personally. And and you have I noticed that you were talking about three important ways or impactful ways that you can increase self confidence. And I bet those are well thought out and be wonderful gift to give our audience.

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:13:26

Yes, thank you for bringing those up. The first one is affirmations. So is that positive self talk? So we already touched on that one?

Alan Carroll: 00:13:35

He goes slow though. We got to slow through after bases. No, no need to write. Interesting. Yeah, no, no, no rush the Reformation because those are the those are the filters through which you view the world and you got great filters and you view the great things. So affirmations are wonderful tools of just, you know, beginners, you're a beginner, so you are expected to make mistakes. It's okay to make mistakes, you know, it's like rather perfection. No, I can go beginners aren't perfect. And that gives yourself space just to be a beginner. That's exactly what you said is those are affirmations. Those are peaceful healing affirmations.

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:14:16

Yeah, I have some other examples. I could share a few examples of affirmation. Sure. So again, another sort of thought that could come up you know, this is that So say you've started something and maybe you've like fallen behind like a chorus or something or some new workout program or whatever it is. And you're like, Oh, I'm too like, so behind, it's too late to catch up. And so, an affirmation could be, I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. Maybe I'm exactly when to be you know, so that that also comes with a bit of forgiveness as well for being who you are and acceptance, right. Like this is okay. It's exactly where I'm meant to be.

Alan Carroll: 00:14:56

Yeah, yeah. Surrender to the moment forgiveness Not judging, letting go taking a breath. Yeah, stillness? Absolutely. Yeah,

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:15:10

yeah. Um, another one could be like, you know, I say we have a dream, that maybe we don't fully believe in the or that don't fully believe that we can have it and we haven't quite achieved it yet. So you might think I'll never have what I want, like, it's never gonna work out. You know, this absolute never word comes up. But an affirmation I love for this one is that I have the power to create this. power creep is like I can create the dream that I want. And you know, maybe I'm a little behind, but maybe I'm exactly where I'm meant to be. Right. And I'm a strong, intelligent, capable woman, and I have the power to create this to to make this happen for myself.

Alan Carroll: 00:15:56

Absolutely, yeah, yeah. So that's another pillar, there's three pillars, and that's the second pillar of confidence, I have, I have the power, I have the resources within my reality in order to solve the issues in front of me.

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:16:11

Mm hmm. Another one I do love is the power of visualization, with confidence, which I think is really all about mindfulness as well. So this is like, so I can kind of explain it being a health coach and the life coach, I'm all about habit change. And so if we think about it, our habits, they're like, automated choices, or routines for aid that we make on a daily basis, and they determine our quality of life really. And so through manifesting goals, this is based on our habits. And so the actions that we take on a daily business daily basis, determine who we are, and our feeling of self confidence. And its pleasure, is what drives our habits. Because our habits are built on what feels most pleasurable to us. So as an example, you know, that, we're gonna choose what feels good. So if it feels best to wake up at 5am, and go for a run, then you're gonna do that. But if it feels best to press the snooze button, you're gonna do that, right. And so and if he's got to be somewhere by a certain time, and you don't like being late, then eventually it'll feel better to it'd be more pleasurable to wake up and to press snooze. Because it feels more pleasurable to be on time with that thing. So since pleasure drives our habit loops, if we can change what pleasure is linked to in our brains, then we can really like increase our motivation. And we will follow through better and we will build like more healthy habits that stick. Sure kind of what we want to be doing. So this is kind of one of the little secrets of competence is that oh, we want to do is match these natural pleasure chemicals in our brain are endorphins, with the activity that's going to get us the results that we want. And you can do this through visualization. You really are visualizing these things and making it pleasurable to do you want to do what you want to do. And when I first learned about it was a was an area where people that a lot is with athletes, champion athletes, they, they call it like a mental rehearsal. So they actually imagined the game or the race or the event. And they like imagine it from their perspective. It's like a mental trial run. And they break it down into little tiny components and work on each specific aspect and do it from end to end. So they see themselves winning or competing. And so yeah, they they go through the whole thing, and one of the keys is to not just to see it, but you want to feel it in your body as well. So you're not just imagining it happen, you're actually feeling it. And you need to feel the sensations of getting you know what you want or achieving that goal within your body. Yeah,

Alan Carroll: 00:19:07

yeah, visualization, absolutely. The thoughts that you think inside your mind, paint a picture in your mind's eye, which is the filter through which you view the outer world and how you paint it is how you see it. And if you can figure out a way of changing the way you paint it, it will alter the way you see it, and therefore you'll see it in a more loving way because why would you not choose to be that way? That's wonderful. Thank you very much for sharing those three, those three valuable insights. And it was just, you know, that's wonderful because it will go out into the universe and it will have an influence on people. And and Lisa before we, we say goodbye. We'd like to give people an opportunity To know how to connect with you and a little bit of the work that you do. And so people who are interested and in the mindfulness journey that you're on and the things that you do could access your resources.

Elisa Boogaerts: 00:20:15

Yes, you can have a website, inspiration and by elisa.com, and you can find me on Instagram or social media as well, inspiration by Lisa. And, yeah, what I focus on is really being people confidently be themselves and really loving themselves and having that self confidence and that self love, and being who you are, because I feel like this is really the foundation of our being and using all that mindfulness and feeling really secure in yourself. Because from there, you can achieve whatever you want in your life. And so I help people people take those first steps, but really, I want to help them with that, that foundation. And like you were saying earlier, that calm that stillness, because we can, there's so many influences in this world. And so we can just really, um, to ourselves, and become still right and be like, What do I need? What do I want? How do I feel myself? And if you're like, No, like, I feel really, really good. And all this and I know how to tackle those external influences and how to deal with those by teach them all these tools I have, I call it the confidence method. It's like a 10 step system where I take them through that. And mindfulness is part of the whole thing I go every week was affirmations. There's meditations, there's journal prompts, to really integrate everything that we're learning to build that confidence up, to make positive change in our lives, because I really just want the world to be filled with people who are doing what they want and doing what they love. And to be happy. Really.