Episode 38
Journey To Self-Discovery And Growth: Navigating Life's Challenges With Purpose And Presence With Kevin Palmieri
Alan Carroll speaks with Kevin Palmieri the founder of Next-Level University. Kevin talks about his journey into the mindfulness career. Carroll and Palmieri talk about the importance of finding a path in which you can contribute your best self to. When we resettle we can reduce our anxiety. We must figure out the way to move from ego identity to being identity. Facing our fears is vital if we want to be our best selves. Palmieri believes learning how to respond versus react is key to mental wealth.
About The Guest:
Kevin Palmieri is the the CFO, Founder & Co-Host of Next Level University, a Global Top 100 Self-Improvement Podcast with more than 1,450 episodes and 850K+ listens in over 125 countries.
Some people find rock bottom... Kevin found out that rock bottom had a basement. In my mid 20's... He had it all. Kevin had a beautiful girlfriend, high paying job, sports car, his dream body... but he still ended up sitting on the edge of a bed debating suicide.
After his rock bottom moment, Kevin went all in on holistic self-improvement. He was determined to overcome his anxiety, depression and to finally live the life he'd always dreamed of.
Years later, Kevin now hosts a podcast that impacts hundreds of thousands of people in countries all over the world.
At this stage, Kevin has helped grow the podcast into a multi six-figure business, and has recorded well over 1,450 episodes. Kevin has also given hundreds of speeches, trainings and coaching calls with people all over the world.The main thing that changed was HIM. Kevin focused on learning what he didn't know (unlearning a lot too), and his dream life started to shift.
Palmieri loves talking about Consistency, Commitment, Habits, Mindset, Confidence, Fear, Relationships, Limiting Beliefs and everything in between.
Kevin Palmieri believes in a heart-driven but NO BS approach to holistic self improvement, and Kevin looks forward to teaching even more people about what it really takes to get to the next level!
Find Kevin Here:
About Alan:
Alan Carroll is an Educational Psychologist who specializes in Transpersonal Psychology. He founded Alan Carroll & Associates 30 years ago and before that, he was a Senior Sales Training Consultant for 10 years at Digital Equipment Corporation. He has dedicated his life in search of mindfulness tools that can be used by everyone (young and old) to transform their ability to speak at a professional level, as well as, to reduce the psychological suffering caused by the misidentification with our ego and reconnect to the vast transcendent dimension of consciousness that lies just on the other side of the thoughts we think and in between the words we speak.
Personal: https://www.facebook.com/alan.carroll.7359
Business: https://www.facebook.com/AlanCarrolltrains
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/aca-mindful-you/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mindfulnesseminar/
Web Site: https://acamindfulyou.com/
Transcript
Hello, everybody. And welcome back to the next
Alan Carroll:episode of the mindful for you podcast. My name is Alan
Alan Carroll:Carroll. And I'm your host as we explore together conversations
Alan Carroll:from fellow travelers who are going down the mindful path in
Alan Carroll:the variety of different forms. And today we have Kevin Palmeri.
Alan Carroll:Evan Palmeri has done over 1500 podcasts. He is the founder of
Alan Carroll:the next level University, a global top 100 self improvement
Alan Carroll:podcast. Over 1500 episodes 850,000 People have listened
Alan Carroll:over the last six years in over 125 countries. And so he has
Alan Carroll:lots of conversations, lots of experiences, dealing with
Alan Carroll:relationships dealing with commitments, habits, mindsets,
Alan Carroll:mindfulness, responsibility, the reactive part, the responsive
Alan Carroll:part. And in my conversation with Kevin, it was like playing
Alan Carroll:catch. I would throw a ball he would throw it back, because he
Alan Carroll:has a lot of similar insights as you walk the mindfulness path.
Alan Carroll:So I am excited to be able to share with you today, Kevin
Alan Carroll:Palmieri, please welcome Kevin to the mindful you podcast.
Alan Carroll:Thank you. Welcome, welcome Kevin Palmieri to the mindful
Alan Carroll:you podcast. What a pleasure to have you joining us today.
Kevin Palmeri:Likewise, my friend, I'm doing very, very
Kevin Palmeri:well. I appreciate the time, I'm excited to chat. We had a little
Kevin Palmeri:brief conversation behind the scenes and you're wonderful. So
Kevin Palmeri:I'm sure our conversation together will be as well.
Alan Carroll:I agree. I agree. I'm very much into the omens of
Alan Carroll:indicators of future things. And just your vibration, your
Alan Carroll:energy, the clarity of your ability to articulate the
Alan Carroll:thoughts that you are wanting to formulate. Wonderful. Plus, I
Alan Carroll:told you, I really love the background love. I love the I
Alan Carroll:love the background. I'm talking about background. Give us a
Alan Carroll:little bit of your background, Kevin. So we have a sense about
Alan Carroll:what are some of the events that have shaped you and have
Alan Carroll:directed you down that path where you are developing that
Alan Carroll:mindfulness way of being and then contributing and then being
Alan Carroll:of service to others, bringing that mindfulness to other
Alan Carroll:people. Okay, give us a little bit of a tour of, of your of
Alan Carroll:your history.
Unknown:Yeah, I would say if we were thinking of my life as a
Unknown:journey, there would be a couple attractions probably worth
Unknown:visiting. I would say, first of all, I was raised in a household
Unknown:by my mom and my grandmother didn't know my dad, I didn't
Unknown:meet my dad until I was 27. So obviously that plays a role in a
Unknown:young man's life, trying to figure out what all that means.
Unknown:Is it my fault, you know, obviously we can dive into that.
Unknown:Other than that, Alan, something very unique happened to me when
Unknown:I was in high school. I realized pretty early on that I didn't
Unknown:want to go to college. I said I don't know what I want to do
Unknown:with my life but I don't think I want to go pay somebody a lot of
Unknown:money to help me figure it out. When I think it's up to me I
Unknown:have to figure this out by myself. So after high school, I
Unknown:stayed back I lived in the town that I grew up in and I pumped
Unknown:gas at the local gas station. I ended up being a personal
Unknown:trainer, truck driver forklift operator construction worker, I
Unknown:worked at a hospital many many many different things. I
Unknown:eventually got a job that was very financially lucrative and
Unknown:when I got this job, I thought to myself this is it this
Unknown:external success this external validation this external
Unknown:significance is going to fix all of the internal voids that I
Unknown:have been unconscious of slash running from for my entire life.
Unknown:So if you look at it again, the unconscious yeah the unconscious
Unknown:I would say inner voids okay, right this stuff that I I
Unknown:assumed nice cars money, beautiful partner. I assumed
Unknown:fitness right being having a nice body. I assumed all of that
Unknown:would fix the intern. Little stuff that I had going on.
Alan Carroll:So there was something missing internally.
Alan Carroll:And then you thought based on the world in which we live the
Alan Carroll:acquiring of physical objects that will make people happy, and
Alan Carroll:you began to acquire the physical objects. And now you're
Alan Carroll:saying, You know what, Alan, I acquired a lot of great physical
Alan Carroll:objects, and didn't change the stuff inside of my inside of me.
Unknown:Yes, yeah. When I was when I was 25, I had, I was
Unknown:making anywhere from 60 to $120 an hour, depending on where I
Unknown:was working and what the contract was. My girlfriend at
Unknown:the time was a model. I had just competed in and won a
Unknown:bodybuilding show. I had a sports car and new apartment,
Unknown:health, wealth and love, everything seemed right, it
Unknown:seemed like it was overflowing. But my girlfriend ended up
Unknown:leaving me. And I had to figure out what all that meant. Work
Unknown:got slow, and I was struggling financially. The next year was
Unknown:the most abundant year I've ever had in terms of finances. But I
Unknown:still ended up sitting on the edge of a bed contemplating
Unknown:suicide the year after that. So you can see that there was in
Unknown:the beginning, I don't think there was a lot of hope for
Unknown:Kevin didn't go to college was doing a lot of odd jobs, trying
Unknown:to figure out life, got a really good job and got a lot of
Unknown:significance. So I'm starting to trend upward, then I start to
Unknown:trend down because my mental health is is suffering. So I
Unknown:ended up leaving that job in 2018. And going full time into
Unknown:podcasting. And here we are almost seven years later, and or
Unknown:six years later. And that's what I do every single day, so that
Unknown:the real big attractions in my life, were growing up without a
Unknown:dad trying to figure out what that that really means not going
Unknown:to college, and dealing with the judgment that potentially would
Unknown:come with that. And then really acquiring everything I assumed
Unknown:would make me feel whole internally, realizing it didn't
Unknown:losing all of it. Just to regain all and more plus, becoming more
Unknown:self aware, becoming more fulfilled, which is a word I
Unknown:love to use, and understanding that the external and the
Unknown:internal world are connected. But I think all things
Unknown:considered the internal world is probably more important. Because
Unknown:when you work on the internal, you can create external,
Unknown:external doesn't come internal, I don't think I don't really
Unknown:think it works like that, at least for me.
Alan Carroll:Yeah, the, it's often it's been said that the
Alan Carroll:what you think inside your mind and what you see out in the
Alan Carroll:world at the same thing. And if you can alter the thinking,
Alan Carroll:inside your mind, though, the movie that you watch on the
Alan Carroll:outside is going to match perfectly with what you think.
Alan Carroll:And so by looking at the internal, which is the journey
Alan Carroll:of mindfulness, then you begin to start to explore. So let's
Alan Carroll:talk about the things that you feel you don't feel balanced.
Alan Carroll:You feel you don't feel happy. You physical objects, don't do
Alan Carroll:it. And so then you start your journey. You start with mine, we
Alan Carroll:start with podcasting. And how did you when you chose the path
Alan Carroll:of podcasting? What about the self awareness piece? What about
Alan Carroll:the mindfulness piece of how did you know fall into that one?
Unknown:Yeah, it's, it's very unique. So the name of my
Unknown:podcast when I first started, it was called the hyper conscious
Unknown:podcast, acutely aware, I want to know everything about myself.
Unknown:And it came from this, the year that I made the most money, I
Unknown:was opening my final pay stub of the year, and I cracked it open,
Unknown:I made $100,000 at 26, with no college degree, expectation, I'm
Unknown:gonna feel amazing, this is gonna be great. Nothing changed.
Unknown:So I said to myself valid for most of my life, especially this
Unknown:year, I have to live I've lived unconsciously. I don't know why
Unknown:I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm just kind of going through the
Unknown:motions. The opposite of unconscious is hyper conscious.
Unknown:That's where that all came from. And then I started a podcast
Unknown:called The Hyper conscious podcast, and I became obsessed
Unknown:with understanding myself at a deeper level. And it all started
Unknown:with me asking myself why, why am I afraid of this? Why am I
Unknown:attracted to this? Why do I feel safe around this type of person?
Unknown:Why do I feel intimidated around this type of person? It just
Unknown:started with me trying to figure out it was almost like I was
Unknown:troubleshooting myself. Why is this not working? Why is this
Unknown:working? For context? When when I logged on, you said your audio
Unknown:sounds really good. We've been having a lot of audio issues. I
Unknown:don't have the awareness to understand why it's happening. I
Unknown:don't know why yet. I can't figure it out. I can't reverse
Unknown:engineer how to fix it. So I was really troubleshooting my life
Unknown:and saying, Okay, what's, what's working what's not. And I want
Unknown:to add to a lot of the things I had did bring me momentary bouts
Unknown:of happiness, but they never brought me sustainable levels of
Unknown:fulfillment. And I think those are things that we often get
Unknown:confused. I bought a brand new car recently, and I cried
Unknown:driving off the lot, because I was so grateful. And I proved
Unknown:myself right. And I was so proud of myself, fulfill me, it
Unknown:doesn't change the being and the character of who Kevin is, and
Unknown:it's not something I'm going to, it's going to change me
Unknown:sustainably forever. It does bring me bouts of happiness,
Unknown:when I get in it, I love it. What fulfills me is working
Unknown:really hard towards a meaningful mission, and doing back to back
Unknown:to back to back podcasts all day, because I believe I'm doing
Unknown:what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm growing and contributing
Unknown:towards something far greater than myself. So I do think
Unknown:external things can bring momentary bouts of happiness, I
Unknown:think fulfillment is the inner game that a lot of us are
Unknown:looking for.
Alan Carroll:I liked the idea of finding a path in which you
Alan Carroll:get to contribute and be of service to others. And it seems
Alan Carroll:like when you give something out, the feeling that you get is
Alan Carroll:fulfillment, the taking things and putting it in, and not not
Alan Carroll:much fulfillment like the car and the people and the goods.
Alan Carroll:And that but there's something about finding a purpose in life
Alan Carroll:that's greater than the acquisition of material goods,
Alan Carroll:that is more of a spiritual conversation of how can we, you
Alan Carroll:know, get people out of the dungeons of their, of their mind
Alan Carroll:and to the light of heaven, if you wanted to use those, those
Alan Carroll:terms. And so, hyper consciousness, mindfulness, a
Alan Carroll:way of looking at mindfulness is being aware of what's there.
Alan Carroll:Without being hooked by what's there, you're able to see what's
Alan Carroll:there. And to me in mindfulness business, that's called the
Alan Carroll:witness or the observer of, of what So, and it sounds as though
Alan Carroll:you have achieved clearly that state of consciousness, where
Alan Carroll:you have developed the witness and the observer point of view,
Alan Carroll:is that true? Ah, so
Unknown:work. And I have, I have moments for Leto that way.
Unknown:But I'm working. There's a lot of, there's a lot of behind the
Unknown:scenes that you didn't notice. It looks really cool. And I'm a
Unknown:podcaster, I podcast for a living, I have a very big
Unknown:business and luckily, also passed it often. When it comes
Unknown:to mindfulness. When it comes to self awareness. I had a moment
Unknown:today Island, where I, I had a moment today where I was getting
Unknown:out of the shower, and I had eight minutes before my first
Unknown:meeting. And I noticed how quickly I was putting on my
Unknown:shirt and putting on my deodorant putting on my cologne.
Unknown:And I said, Kev, just take a second here, take a breath and
Unknown:just put your shirt on like a normal day. Because what you're
Unknown:doing is you're creating more anxiety for yourself by whipping
Unknown:around the house, trying to get things done super fast. Walk at
Unknown:a normal pace, put your shirt on, put your deodorant on,
Unknown:you're going to create more anxiety and more uncertainty by
Unknown:showing up in the way you're showing up. That was a really
Unknown:important piece of mindfulness to me. But I have moments where
Unknown:it's not that simple for sure.
Alan Carroll:Well, let's just talk about that. Because the the
Alan Carroll:it mindfulness is as simple as noticing that I put my button
Alan Carroll:twice. Why did it take me twice because I wasn't there the first
Alan Carroll:time. If I'm there, the first time only takes one time to
Alan Carroll:button. And that that's a great example of an easy stuff of
Alan Carroll:mindfulness is not the mountain the 20 years with the guru in
Alan Carroll:India and the Himalayas. Mindfulness is Oh, noticing it
Alan Carroll:took me twice to button the shirt. And, and that was a
Alan Carroll:beautiful, easy way of describing that observation. To
Alan Carroll:be able to witness the fact that I am rushing. And as soon as you
Alan Carroll:can witness it, you can then have another voice that that
Alan Carroll:takes command and tells you Hey Kev, hey chill, baby. It's okay.
Alan Carroll:All right, just take a breath get go. resettle, resettle
Alan Carroll:resettle. resettles. Ah, okay. All right. And you still made
Alan Carroll:the meeting. That that that is definitely hyper consciousness.
Alan Carroll:Thank you. You're so used to that. That's, that's what hybrid
Alan Carroll:consciousness means. And that's exactly what, what I believe
Alan Carroll:mindfulness is about. Likewise.
Unknown:And I wonder, I think one of the keys to mindfulness
Unknown:is understanding your ego. Because it's very hard to be
Unknown:mindful. Without being vulnerable with yourself. It's
Unknown:it's a challenge. And I think the other thing too, is part of
Unknown:mindfulness is understanding your reactions and responses to
Unknown:people, places, things, ideas and feelings. Right, I think
Unknown:that's one of the one of my favorite stories out and this is
Unknown:one of the things that shifted me forever. My business partner,
Unknown:myself, and one of our friends, we were working out, we were
Unknown:down in Florida for an event that we were co hosting with one
Unknown:of my friends. And in the gym, I've spent a decade more than a
Unknown:decade working out. So I feel very confident, very centered,
Unknown:I'm very certain. So 10 out of 10 confident at the end, we
Unknown:finish our workout, we sit down in this gym, and we're having
Unknown:conversation about business. And I had all this stuff come up. I
Unknown:was like, these two guys are eat, they just have an ego. And
Unknown:they're arrogant when it comes to business, and I don't like
Unknown:them. I don't like them right now. And I sat there. And I
Unknown:said, Is this a me problem? Or is this a them problem? And I
Unknown:kept sitting with it. I didn't want to answer it. I didn't want
Unknown:to sit with that. But what I came with was, they are far more
Unknown:certain than I am when it comes to business. And rather than
Unknown:admitting that being vulnerable, I'm making them wrong. I'm
Unknown:villainizing them so I don't have to see the actual truth.
Unknown:And that was a moment that pivoted a lot for me. And it
Unknown:brought a lot of realization that the way much do what you
Unknown:said the beginning, the way I see people is, a lot of that is
Unknown:because when I'm feeling inside, and if I'm feeling uncertain, I
Unknown:might say Alan is making me feel uncertain. That's not
Unknown:necessarily true. And then I might treat Alan a certain way,
Unknown:and he'll treat me away back and That'll lock in that belief,
Unknown:self awareness, mindfulness, intentionality, I think are just
Unknown:as big when it comes to other people, when it comes to other
Unknown:stimuli. Really, because when you're with yourself, you can
Unknown:take a second and sit when there's people around you, it's
Unknown:really, it's really important and challenging to be able to do
Unknown:it in real time. That's a that's an another layer of hyper
Unknown:consciousness really
Alan Carroll:real time in the moment, the ability to wake up
Alan Carroll:and realize that you were asleep. is what I hear you
Alan Carroll:talking about. And the the waking up process, you have to
Alan Carroll:let go of something. And what you talk about was, oh, those
Alan Carroll:those guys all ego. And you were painting that picture in your
Alan Carroll:mind, and son of a gun, you can see that's all ego see those
Alan Carroll:people the tone of voice? The way they're acting? It's all
Alan Carroll:legal. I'm right. I'm right. And then you said yourself? Is there
Alan Carroll:a? Is it a them? Or are you issue? Is it me? Is that what
Alan Carroll:that does? Then you have the realization, self realization
Alan Carroll:that the paintbrush is in your hand. And you can paint it any
Alan Carroll:way you want. And so you realize that you had to let go of being
Alan Carroll:right, which is the ego and the thoughts. And you began to paint
Alan Carroll:another picture in your mind that these people, maybe they do
Alan Carroll:know something and maybe they do have knowledge, maybe they
Alan Carroll:aren't confident maybe they have earned more than I have. Maybe
Alan Carroll:they have earned the right to speak and maybe they have more
Alan Carroll:credibility. So maybe I need to be more humble and let go and
Alan Carroll:listen and open myself up and embrace that negative ego thing
Alan Carroll:you're talking about and realize it's it's a gift from God. It's
Alan Carroll:not it's not a negative ego. It's a self realization that you
Alan Carroll:discovered in your own reality. The whole idea you were
Alan Carroll:projecting and you don't have to do that.
Unknown:Yeah, my ego was trying to protect me from the truth and
Unknown:I didn't understand I was ready for you. And I think that's
Unknown:that's what our ego does. I mean, my wife and I have some
Unknown:really challenging conversations at time and my egos there. It's
Unknown:like it's waiting. It's like, Ah, you could say this. You
Unknown:could Say this and you wouldn't have to get to the root of the
Unknown:truth. And you could walk away and be a great conversation. But
Unknown:you have to say is that is that what's best is that what's best
Unknown:for this conversation is that what's best for my relationship,
Unknown:ego plays, it's important, it's important to have an ego that
Unknown:keeps you safe at times. But there are certain people you can
Unknown:be vulnerable around. And you'll also find, if you use your ego,
Unknown:the negative pieces with those people, your relationships are
Unknown:not going to flourish at the level they could the people you
Unknown:can be the most vulnerable around. One of the reasons why
Unknown:is because you don't need your ego because you feel safe. Those
Unknown:are also probably some of the best relationships we have, I
Unknown:always say the level of your relationship is directly
Unknown:connected to the level of vulnerability in it. I feel like
Unknown:you and I would have a really good friendship behind the
Unknown:scenes because I think we can be very vulnerable with each other.
Unknown:I feel very safe here that I don't have there's no ego.
Unknown:There's no protectors for me right now. But if you were
Unknown:somebody who is toxic, it wouldn't be that way. If I was
Unknown:somebody who was toxic, it wouldn't be that way. We would
Unknown:have our egos up to keep us safe to protect us. So yeah, the ego
Unknown:is a very unique, deep thing to think about and talk about.
Alan Carroll:Well, it's part of the game, of course, you go is
Alan Carroll:one of the words that is used to describe something that is the
Alan Carroll:source of suffering. And the being, or the mindfulness of the
Alan Carroll:Spirit, is something that we use to describe where you want to
Alan Carroll:get to. And so then how do you move from the ego identity to
Alan Carroll:the being identity or the god like consciousness. And what
Alan Carroll:you've what you've said is my observation is, it's simply to
Alan Carroll:observe the thoughts that are creating the tension in your
Alan Carroll:body. And ask yourself is this tension in my body, something
Alan Carroll:that I think is good to me or not, and making angry and upset
Alan Carroll:at you is causing tension in my body. So maybe I should stop
Alan Carroll:causing tension in my body and start vibrating the air with
Alan Carroll:more love and see what happens. And so you've made a shift,
Alan Carroll:unconscious, which is one of the benefits of mindfulness is you
Alan Carroll:now have in front of you, choice. And so you've reached a
Alan Carroll:level of awareness in which you can now choose Not that you
Alan Carroll:always make the right choice, right. But the way, the way
Alan Carroll:you're speaking is that you have enough binoculars of the
Alan Carroll:situation in front of you that you're able to make a spiritual
Alan Carroll:choice, a loving choice, a compassionate choice, an
Alan Carroll:empathetic choice, rather than an ego, right? I'm Ron united,
Alan Carroll:you need to take that kind of choice. And boy, which which is
Alan Carroll:which one is no suffering. Well, the one in which you let go, no
Alan Carroll:suffering there, the suffering is ran. Boy, that's really
Alan Carroll:exciting that I'm talking to somebody who, who who is who's
Alan Carroll:in that one. And I appreciate it and is who who understand you
Alan Carroll:fire the bullet, but but there's a recoil. So if you fire a
Alan Carroll:bullet, make it a love bullet. You don't need to make a
Alan Carroll:negative bullet because that that ricochets back and hurt
Alan Carroll:you.
Unknown:It's, it's definitely a challenging road. It's
Unknown:definitely a challenging road, when we'll make this full
Unknown:circle. I met my dad when I was 27. That was the first time I
Unknown:ever met my father. So I got a, I was sitting on my couch in New
Unknown:Hampshire. And I got a message on Facebook and went to this
Unknown:private folder for people that you're not friends with. I
Unknown:didn't even know it existed. So I opened this message and it
Unknown:said, Hey, Kev, I'm blank. I'm your father's girlfriend. And I
Unknown:remember throwing my phone on the floor and saying absolutely
Unknown:not. We are not doing this today. This is not happening
Unknown:today. It's the weekend. Nope, not going to do it. Then I got
Unknown:curious, and I picked up my phone. And it said, Hey, Kev,
Unknown:I'm blank, um, your father's girlfriend. Your father is
Unknown:seeing you on Facebook. And he is very proud of you. And if you
Unknown:would like the opportunity to meet he would love that. And I
Unknown:remember thinking Absolutely not. This is not ever going to
Unknown:happen. But I sat with it. I sat with it. I sat with it. The
Unknown:reason I didn't want to do it is because I was afraid. I had said
Unknown:so many negative things about this person because I never
Unknown:thought I was gonna meet him. I never thought this opportunity
Unknown:was gonna present itself. So I have said some bad things, some
Unknown:negative things, some, some not so nice things. And I remember I
Unknown:texted one of my friends and I said my my dad reached out. And
Unknown:they said, Are you gonna go see him? And I said, Yeah, I have
Unknown:to. I know it's a knowing I have to I know this is a big part of
Unknown:the man you see in front of you. I have to figure this out. So I
Unknown:met my dad, we got lunch at this diner. And when I was sitting
Unknown:across from him, and I don't mean this to sound negative. I
Unknown:looked at somebody who I had given so much power to so much
Unknown:opera, much of my beings who energetically and I had
Unknown:villainized him so much but he was not self aware. He was not
Unknown:well developed. He was like a child to me and that It allowed
Unknown:me to understand that number one, I can forgive this person,
Unknown:not for him. But for me, let me forgive him because he didn't
Unknown:know any better. I'm more developed than him and I'm 27
Unknown:years old, I'm way more developed than he is, I can be
Unknown:the bigger man and I can let this go. So one, let me Forgive
Unknown:him, not for him for me. And to let me understand that the
Unknown:person I have given all this power to create darkness over my
Unknown:life for the last 27 years, doesn't deserve it is incapable
Unknown:of it. When I left that day, I was a different man, you bet.
Unknown:Sure, I was a free man. And I felt empowered. And I felt like
Unknown:things had gaps had closed that I needed closed. So that's
Unknown:another mindfulness self awareness thing. Oftentimes we
Unknown:get, we get pings, we get knocks, we get downloads,
Unknown:whatever you want to call them. And they're things that are
Unknown:going to scare us a lot. Oftentimes, the things that
Unknown:scare you the most are also the things that are going to create
Unknown:the most the most growth. And that is one of the things that
Unknown:one of the hardest things I've ever done by far was go see my
Unknown:dad, it was also probably not coincidentally, one of the
Unknown:things that facilitated the most amount of growth in my life. And
Unknown:that's just another example of mindfulness, self awareness,
Unknown:being brave, courage, whatever you want to label it as
Alan Carroll:the eye, the face to face, the fear. And the death
Alan Carroll:of fear is certain is one of the mantras. And so you face the
Alan Carroll:fear of meeting your father. And, and what you discovered in
Alan Carroll:meeting your father was that you lived in a, a hallucination
Alan Carroll:about your father, and you live there and write my father,
Alan Carroll:that's the way it is. And then when you actually saw your
Alan Carroll:father, you still, you still sort of tried to paint him the
Alan Carroll:way you want him to be in order for the ego to be satisfied that
Alan Carroll:all right, all of a sudden, your father, he didn't show up that
Alan Carroll:way. And so you, you had to break down something, he had to
Alan Carroll:knock something down, which which, which in my world, we
Alan Carroll:call that a big grievance, a big piece of crap that you carry on
Alan Carroll:your back. And when you forgave your father, you were released.
Alan Carroll:And all that energy that were you were using, to keep that
Alan Carroll:grievance alive, is now available, to do more of God's
Alan Carroll:work. And so you are just like, it's like being baptized. So you
Alan Carroll:are, it's almost like a baptism of is such a tremendous shift in
Alan Carroll:awareness. It's like, wow, that's a that's a, it's another
Alan Carroll:great example of a great milestone. And, and you are
Alan Carroll:willing to die. Almost the feeling of death is like you,
Alan Carroll:you let go you open up, I take me, take me I give up and employ
Alan Carroll:the what you harvest. The fruit of that was like, oh, Alton,
Alan Carroll:you're not the man, you were. Yeah. And
Unknown:it taught me a lot about fear to a lot of the
Unknown:things that I'm afraid of, I feel amazing after I do them
Unknown:speaking on stage, I'm very confident as a podcast, I've
Unknown:done so many episodes, I haven't done 1500 speeches. So when I
Unknown:get on stage, it is like oh my goodness, this is the most
Unknown:vulnerable thing in the world. But afterwards, I always feel so
Unknown:good. It, that's another thing we I think a lot of us are
Unknown:creating our fears we're creating, what happens is we
Unknown:create a fear, I could never be a public speaker. And then every
Unknown:opportunity we have to face that fear, we avoid it. So we
Unknown:actually build the fear bigger and bigger and bigger and
Unknown:bigger. And I say this all the time, anybody, whether you're
Unknown:watching or listening, you could be a podcaster like I am and get
Unknown:to 1500 episodes, but you just got to go through the first 300
Unknown:episodes of suck, where you're just not going to be that good.
Unknown:I was terrible for the first 150 I was not confident I didn't
Unknown:believe in myself. But I kept going, I kept going, I kept
Unknown:going. I think that's just the journey of life when you ride a
Unknown:bike for the first time, unless you're just a natural. You got
Unknown:your training wheels on and you're just trying to figure it
Unknown:out. The problem is later in life we forget about the
Unknown:humility it took to put the training wheels on. I don't want
Unknown:to put training wheels on now but sometimes you have to and
Unknown:that's okay, you're gonna make more progress because of it. So,
Unknown:tapping into the ego yet again.
Alan Carroll:Ego is flying around all over the place. Of
Alan Carroll:course, everywhere. You You You said a an important couple of
Alan Carroll:words in the mindfulness space. This one, you said, you were
Alan Carroll:able to shift a reaction to a response to the event that is in
Alan Carroll:front of you. And let's just let's, let's use that as our
Alan Carroll:last sort of question. And then we'll find out, you know how we
Alan Carroll:can meet you and connect with you. So give us your sense about
Alan Carroll:the differences and how do you do it and what it is and
Alan Carroll:reacting versus responding.
Unknown:I have analogy, I call it pinball. So my wife and I
Unknown:will have a challenging conversation. She'll say
Unknown:something, I might get triggered. And I all in my mind,
Unknown:it's pinball, I want to take my thought, I want to bounce it off
Unknown:that wall off that wall off that wall off that flipper off that
Unknown:thing off that thing. And let me just knock some of this dust
Unknown:off. Because oftentimes, the first thing we say is not the
Unknown:truth. The first thing we say is the safest thing. It's the
Unknown:trigger thing. It's the ego thing. It's the punch you back
Unknown:thing, it's to get a jab and not to get the truth in. So for me,
Unknown:reacting is just unconscious. When it maybe this has happened.
Unknown:Whether you're watching, you're listening, when I drop a knife
Unknown:off the counter, my natural reaction is to put my foot out
Unknown:to try to catch it. Not good. Not good. Not a good not a good
Unknown:idea. I that's just the way I am if I if something's falling, I
Unknown:try to catch it. It's just a natural human response for me.
Unknown:That's a response. It's unconscious. I'm not thinking
Unknown:about it. If I was thinking about it, I would never do it.
Unknown:That's a terrible idea. A reaction is conscious. A
Unknown:reaction is me consciously saying, Oh, that thing is
Unknown:falling. Oh, that's a knife, it's going to be fine. If it
Unknown:hits the floor, it is going to be fine. Now, if we were to take
Unknown:that a layer deeper, I have two cats. I love my cats. I'm the
Unknown:ultimate cat Dad, I'm branding myself that way. If one of my
Unknown:cats was standing under the knife, my reaction and my
Unknown:response would probably be the same. One would be unconscious,
Unknown:I'm not thinking about the cats, the other would be hyper
Unknown:conscious, I am thinking about the cats. I'd rather take a
Unknown:knife in the foot and one of them take a knife in the head,
Unknown:I'll heal a lot quicker than they will. I think a reaction is
Unknown:unconscious. And oftentimes, I don't want to say, Yeah,
Unknown:triggered is probably the best word. A response is thought of a
Unknown:response is what you do when you get an email, you respond. You
Unknown:don't react, you respond, you take time. That's why emails are
Unknown:usually written with a lot of length, rather than saying, hey,
Unknown:screw you, you write something out? Hey, Alan, I got your
Unknown:email. And the way I felt when you said blank, or I know you
Unknown:want to get the project done for this amount of time.
Unknown:Unfortunately, we can't do it. When my reaction is no, we could
Unknown:never do that. My response is this is more of my truth. So I
Unknown:like to think of the response is more conscious. And a reaction
Unknown:is kind of just the first thing that comes to your mind, even
Unknown:though it's not always the serving thing that comes to your
Unknown:mind.
Alan Carroll:You, you mentioned that the time, you now have time
Alan Carroll:to think about how you want to respond versus that automatic
Alan Carroll:reaction based on your conditioning. How do you create
Alan Carroll:the time? How do you become that conscious? Because most people,
Alan Carroll:it's an automatic reaction. Yeah, they're saying, I noticed
Alan Carroll:the automatic reaction. But I'm able to stay present, and then
Alan Carroll:shifted over to respond. How did you develop that time piece?
Unknown:Ask for it. Especially if you're communicating with
Unknown:someone just say, Hey, can I have a minute to process that
Unknown:that started for me? I don't know what I want to say yet. So
Unknown:I need to figure out what I want to say because and also after a
Unknown:certain amount of time you start to figure out oh, yeah, every
Unknown:time I have a disagreement with someone, I just say the first
Unknown:thing that comes to my mind, and I don't know it's not working.
Unknown:It just doesn't seem to be working very well for me. So I
Unknown:always try to give credit to the people around me. I'm surrounded
Unknown:by a lot of amazing people. My wife's amazing. So I can say to
Unknown:her, or she can say to me, Hey, I need a minute. I need a
Unknown:minute. And she'll walk away or I'll walk away and I'll figure
Unknown:out and process and we'll come back and we'll meet at a more
Unknown:complex. So I would say that having the right people around
Unknown:is one of the best cheat codes for life because it makes
Unknown:everything a little bit easier. Having the wrong people around
Unknown:is something very challenging because it makes everything a
Unknown:little bit harder, unfortunately. So I would say it
Unknown:starts with that when it comes to people. And a lot of it is
Unknown:just internal dialogue. When I Oh, I think about everything.
Unknown:I'm always thinking about stuff. Always. I was dating a young
Unknown:lady one time and she said Kevin, you think too much. And I
Unknown:was like this isn't gonna work. Because I do I think a lot I
Unknown:don't think I think too much I think I think a lot. I think
Unknown:that's good. So just becoming familiar with what your inner
Unknown:dialogue is, right now the inner dialogue that I'm working
Unknown:through, is, I tend to say no by default. So my wife will say,
Unknown:Hey, are you able to blink? And I won't think about, I'll just
Unknown:say, No, I'm too busy. I have 12 calls that I'm too busy. I'm
Unknown:working on reformulating that, too, that is me that has a
Unknown:trauma response. I'm overwhelmed. I say no, no more.
Unknown:I can't do any more. Don't put it on my plate. But I also
Unknown:understand she doesn't feel heard when I do that. I'm not
Unknown:even hearing I'm just saying no. Hey, Kev, can you know, can? So
Unknown:that's something I'm working on right now.
Alan Carroll:It's, it's a game, I think everybody on the
Alan Carroll:mindfulness path plays. It's the self aware, not self aware, self
Alan Carroll:aware, not self aware. And when you want to increase your
Alan Carroll:statistic of being aware in the moment, and most people are
Alan Carroll:unaware, but they think they are aware, until you develop that
Alan Carroll:the witness or the observer, and you're able to, to, to create
Alan Carroll:the time, based on works doesn't work. You know, it doesn't work
Alan Carroll:when I react so quickly. Why don't I shift that behavior? Let
Alan Carroll:me let me figure out another strategy that I can use in that
Alan Carroll:moment, I'm not sure what it is because I'm a beginner. So I'm
Alan Carroll:going to make lots of mistakes. So you start to fumble, but you
Alan Carroll:but you, you, you, you, you interrupt or disrupt the
Alan Carroll:automaticity of the reaction, and that, that that short
Alan Carroll:circuits, the the pattern, and then you then you You take the
Alan Carroll:red pill, and you wake up from the pattern that you didn't even
Alan Carroll:know you were in. And so that is allows you to be still in the
Alan Carroll:movie. And if you're still you have clarity about what's what
Alan Carroll:would be the best choice, and most people are not still they
Alan Carroll:are thinking and thought he's not to steal, their thoughts
Alan Carroll:aren't still. And so there's constant reaction reaction
Alan Carroll:reaction. So congratulations on achieving at a young age. And
Alan Carroll:you get to practice see is like I get to practice it's a little
Alan Carroll:further down the road, I get to practice every day awareness,
Alan Carroll:awareness of the thoughts that I'm thinking, and telling myself
Alan Carroll:is that thought healthy for me to get upset at, you know, let
Alan Carroll:it go. So the we're going to we're going to complete this
Alan Carroll:particular part of the conversation. And, but there's,
Alan Carroll:there's, there's lots of other things that I would like to
Alan Carroll:discuss at some future time. works for you. Okay, 100%.
Alan Carroll:Because the forgive piece is a is a big piece of the game. And
Alan Carroll:so we could devote a whole podcast just on forgiveness and
Alan Carroll:what forgiveness is. I'm in it. I would like to give you an
Alan Carroll:opportunity just to say whatever you'd like to say to complete?
Alan Carroll:And also how do we connect with you? And all this will be in the
Alan Carroll:show notes yet? Somebody will want read the show notes.
Alan Carroll:Amazing. How can people connect with you?
Unknown:Yeah, the last thing I would say is I think one of the
Unknown:things that we struggle with the most as humans is we see where
Unknown:someone is, and we assume they've been there forever. And
Unknown:we see where we are and we assume will be there forever.
Unknown:And you mentioned it time is a wonderful multiplier, or it's a
Unknown:negative multiplier depends on what you're doing. So if you're
Unknown:focused on being more self aware, give yourself a year.
Unknown:More mindful, give yourself a year more patient, give yourself
Unknown:a year, it adds up, it might not seem like on a day to day
Unknown:anything is happening because it really isn't. But when you add
Unknown:up one by 365, it adds up. So that would be my little closing
Unknown:statement. And then yeah, if you want to check out our podcast,
Unknown:it's called next level University. We do an episode
Unknown:every single day on life, love health and wealth. That's our
Unknown:brand in a nutshell. And if you have any questions for me,
Unknown:whatever it may be feedback, anything, Kevin at next level
Unknown:universe.com Is my email. I do my own email. So I'm happy to
Unknown:hear from you and or assist and add value in any way I can.
Unknown:Wonderful.
Alan Carroll:Kevin, thank you very much for sharing with our
Alan Carroll:audience, the your journey, and all the wonderful little stars
Alan Carroll:and bright stars of insights, that that illuminated things for
Alan Carroll:you along along that path of wonderful stories, powerful
Alan Carroll:stories. I appreciate the the openness and the vulnerability
Alan Carroll:of of sharing with our audience. Thank you very much.
Unknown:Thank you, Alan. I appreciate you.
Alan Carroll:You're welcome. Bye bye for now.